[Credits: OJ and the Boy’s Olympus E-520 DSLR.]
Here’s to them. May they be crisp and fresh and straining at the seams with hope.
The season’s gladdest wishes to you, my friends. You are in my thoughts.
I tried to celebrate your birthday quietly. To hug you to myself and cradle your memories and bask in my fortune at being loved by you. It was a silent day, the hours bristling with things unsaid, and aside from an oblique mention to the Boy and a brisk, awkward acknowledgement to Dad, I bent inward and let you incubate in me.
But now I want the world to know. You, the most beautiful of women. You, of the grey eyes, porcelain skin and sparkling wit. Your heart larger than your slender gold-bangled hands that patted me to sleep each night. Your temper shorter than your bobbed hair. Your eagerness to devour the world. To engulf me in hugs. To shower “dearies” on my emaciated soul. Your laughter, liberation and military order. And midget nail scissors wielded compulsively. Your sharp mind slipping away into a fog of grey. Your sprightly legs that exhausted us. The parchment skin that contained our history. The flannel blanket you laid for me nightly. Your belief I was leaving forever. And then, turning the tables and slipping away before I could burst out from behind the door, laughing “Here I am!”
You left. Just like that. Because I wasn’t little anymore? Because I had parents? Because you had taught me all? Because you thought I was ready?
Now I know what I must do. And when she is born, my beloved soul, you shall have your answer. Or perhaps you already do. And it is I who must await mine.
Not a favorite of many of you out there, I know, but bear with me. The Happy Hausfrau kicked the bucket six weeks ago. They struggled to haul her into a casket and shipped her off to la-la land. In her place arrived an early-rising, coffee-swigging non-profit slave, also known as The Automaton around these parts.On her first day of paid work, she encountered an epileptic fit, dialed 911 and discovered a stash of tequila bottles in her desk drawer. Good times.
So yes, forgive me if words and saying hello to you guys are not priorities at present time. I hope we can still be friends. And Merry Christmas in advance.
In other exciting news, remember CSA Awareness Month in April? The good folks who comprised the core team will be hosting another awareness effort starting tomorrow and running through October.
We all know it exists. We’ve all shared the stories in some hushed and some outraged tones. Here’s your chance to join in as we push awareness into cloud space and encourage our friends to identify, acknowledge and resist the numerous forms violence can take.
My brand of feminism, in addition to my personal experiences, does not permit me to only call this Violence Against Women. Hence the sub-title Women Against Violence. And, I fervently hope, men and transgenders too.
Do hop over. Read. Contribute. Link up. Share. Refer the site to a friend in need.
At the very least, know this resource is out there, should anybody you know need it. Even though it is my ardent wish that you never will.
Back to Automaton mode. Over and out.
Swanley station.
1 degree celcius, 1 a.m., and a solitary woman awaiting her cab.
Eynsford, she said, sliding in the back, grateful for the warmth and the driver’s turban.
You’re brave, he said, for a girl not from here to be out alone this late.
I’ve been alone to many places, she explained, and silently counted the destinations where she was the girl-not-from-here. Days in the city of her childhood when she was the outsider. Times in her home when she did not belong. Months in arms she felt like a stranger. The everywhere girl, the nowhere girl. Only mirrors knew her and let her be. A rebel against conformists, non-believer to the benders, among them, but not of them.
Movement helped, she sleepily mused. If you didn’t stay long enough, they couldn’t expect you to fit in. And so the girl not from here took cabs. And trains and planes and boarding passes, stepping off belief into affirmation, through revolving doors, up metal-railinged stairs.
“Be safe,” he smiled, engine purring at her door. And a pang helped her realize that kindness from strangers is easier than the wall of contorted faces people are sometimes forced to call home.
I bleed the City.
With shards of rejection in my veins
The fury, the heartbreak, the
Slamming of gates.
A human wall, of
Purified hands, closing in, shutting out,
Spewing fumes of vile smugness.
I bleed the City.
The cradle, the earth,
Glass bowls that
Rock babies, among gravel and green.
Passed around communal arms, eyes taped
With certainty, stunted by fawning,
Inspecting sodden roots,
While new leaves are snipped off
For daring to be fresh.
I bleed the City.
The fabric I carry, the honks in my
Head; the corners of childhood, neon signs that scream
No, the stripping of self, divesting of entity.
Hurled into a morass of the unknown and
Unknowing, the joy and the light frame my
Dark core, the bounty that decorates
Crumbled pieces of
Heart.
I bleed the City.
I bleed the City.
Through lumps in the throat and knots in the spirit
May my ministrations redeem me.
Read the story so far here and here.
Maybe emerged isn’t the right adjective. It rushed out, stick in hand, to investigate who was molesting the fair maiden of the unintelligible sounds. Unfortunately, said fair maiden had started in alarm and had taken off to the street corner, staggering about in exaggerated hysteria (stomach-churning must follow a proposal, never precede it) and emanating guttural sounds. The gallant erstwhile ring-bearing knight chased her down the street in a bid to keep her fat hand now that he had won it, and neatly in queue for the Puducherry version of the Amazing Race was The Night Watchman of the Blue Door.
They stopped where the streets intersected: him, her and the watchman. Three dwarves named Puzzled, Hysterical and Suspicious respectively; all of them playing their parts, none making the first move. Until she, with her newly-minted pebble, felt incumbent to explain. We’re engaged, she cried out to Dwarf S—look! And the dazzling light from her circle of love had him scuttling back into the nether regions of his blue-doored world, stout stick lowered and the scent of resignation in the air.
With monsters and the world successfully fended off, they turned back to each other, Dwarves P and H, now magically re-transformed into Boy and girl. And so it came to be, that on the corner where the Avenue Dumas and the Rue Du Bazaar Saint Laurent meet in the quaint French Quarter, they shared their first affianced kiss under a night sky that was finally, delightfully bright.
~The End~
Read the story so far here.
Peering into the darkness, her eyes fell on a figure crouched at her feet. He was on bended knee, holding out a dark velvet box with the unmistakable glimmer of polymorphed carbon. Will you marry me, came the words from a galaxy far, far away, and echoed in the ether of that seaside town. Her eyes re-focused. Her ears nudged each other into soldier-like attention. Even her stomach stopped churning for the merest of moments.
Will you marry me, he repeated, as her brain tried to pinch her tongue into responding. Say something, it hissed. Anything!
So she did. Barf, she went, I’m going to throw up, and stumbled forward, bracing her body for projectile hurling. Miraculously, something else emerged. She heard a voice say yes. With an exclamation or two thrown in for good measure. And their eyes met as he rose at last.
The ring was simple and locally-bought. We’ll call it Thiffany’s, she giggled, as he slipped it on her finger, smiling and holding her gaze. But nothing in their lives was quick and painless, so why should an engagement be an exception? Remember the bright blue door she had stopped outside? At the precise moment that the ring went on, it opened, and a figure emerged.
(To be continued…)
Once upon a time, on a balmy February evening in Pondicherry, a couple years ago, a Boy and his girl walked over to a candle-lit courtyard for a meal. They had taken a quick trip from Bombay, zoomed around on a rented bike all weekend and wanted to make their last evening special. It was a sweet and intimate time that had begun with a disagreement and involved lots of making up. It was just them and the Southern sun, whitewashed walls and bougainvillea, incense and long walks, and the curious sense of home that the girl always found amidst it all.
Struggling to see under the not-so-bright stars and ineffective candlelight, they tucked into a meal of Creole mutton curry, coastal fish and some forgettable dessert. There were few other diners that night and they held hands and talked quietly. Dinner over, they strolled back through silent lanes, the crash of the waves a reminder that the blue bay was only one street east.
The girl, greedy thing, had consumed one helping too many and she staggered toward their hotel room, mumbling about how stuffed she was. Let’s sit by the sea for a while, the Boy suggested, taking her arm to guide her. An explanation about fresh air being helpful followed. I’m feeling sick, she whined, her gills spewing curry, I want to go back. And with that, she quickened her pace, leaving him a few steps behind.
Then I guess I’ll just have to do it here, she heard him say, and tried to fashion a suitable question over her shoulder. But curry can rapidly seep into one’s brain, dulling all senses, and dessert delivers the master stroke. She stopped outside a bright blue door. All was calm, but not bright. It wasn’t Christmas and she certainly wasn’t Mary. Her brain registered a lack of sound. She felt his presence behind her and turned around to face him. He was gone.
(To be continued…)
Hello readers of Orange Jammies,
As will be (painfully) obvious pretty soon, once you have detected a not-so-subtle change in writing style and conspicuously poorer use of English – this is not OJ. No siree, the honour of writing this post has been given to her worse half or, as he is known in these parts, the Boy. And this honour is not to be taken lightly, because it is indeed an onerous task to fill her shoes as the “Sutradhar” of the crazy world of neon pyjamas. I shall do my best to not let her blog down… but I do sincerely solicit your patience and tolerance just this once – because it is OJ’s birthday!!
Yes, twenty some years ago (or was it thirty some years ago…can’t be sure), this mistress of spices arrived into the world in a beguilingly simple manner. Though I was not present at that point in time, it is said that free OJ was distributed in the halls of the Parsi General Hospital in the leafy confines of South Mumbai. These are just rumours – but I would like to think this is what happened. With the free OJ, all the nurses, doctors, the infirm but lovable Bawas and the fruit vendor across the street were handed an issue of the latest edition of People magazine, a scented candle which brought about visions of Autumn in Bavaria, a bottle of industrial-strength kitchen-top cleaner, a pound of Norwegian (not Alaskan) smoked salmon, a Bottega Veneta crosshatch handbag, a gilded copy of “The Women of the Raj” and a vial of the strongest of good intentions. On receiving this puzzlingly odd collection of stuff, most were confused, because little did they know that this was just the beginning of a beautiful life filled with beautiful things.
That is my wife. A study in contradictions, but only those which make life interesting and worth living. There are many things I have learned about her, over the relatively short time I have known her – but if there is one thing I can mark with a flourescent highlighter for everyone to see it is that she relentlessly searches for beauty in this world. Whether it is through her amazingly crafted prose, or her selfless support of those in need, or her ability to change her own point of view, or her search for the perfect handbag/industrial-strength cleaner… it is all to make this world a prettier (and cleaner) place. A world her Nana would have been proud of.
And if it is her birthday, I for one, have many reasons to celebrate. After all, twenty some years ago (or was it thirty…does it matter?) on the 25th of July, the world suddenly became one heck of an interesting place to live in… that is worth celebrating, isn’t it?
Happy birthday, my love… may God bless you with health, wealth, happiness and lots of beauty.
Vox populi