Automatic For the People*

28 Mar

I’m going to write a manual on newbie marriage.

I already have a title for it:

“Shut the Door, I Can Hear You Pee”.

Wide open to content suggestions, y’all!

~

*Title taken from one of my favorite albums of all time.

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17 Responses to “Automatic For the People*”

  1. sukanyabora March 29, 2013 at 6:45 am #

    You had me at R.E.M, love that band..no suggestions from me. forgot really what newbie felt like…its been too long.

  2. Zarine Mohideen March 29, 2013 at 7:01 am #

    This line describes my life perfectly at the moment! And I’m a newbie! ๐Ÿ˜€

  3. Null Pointer March 29, 2013 at 3:23 pm #

    – From Fake Headaches to Fake Orgasms (perhaps a flowchart might be helpful)
    – Farting Under Covers (and other faux-pas unless married to Robin Williams from Good Will Hunting)
    – 101 Ways To Avoid Answering How Fat S/He Looks Today
    – Gift Suggestions For Forgotten Anniversaries
    – Spouse Is Always Right And Other Theorems to Avoid Sleeping On The Couch
    – Choosing The Best Side Of The Bed And Other Life-Altering Decisions

    uff! as if I needed provocation.

  4. alice-in-wonder March 29, 2013 at 10:30 pm #

    Ooh.. sounds interesting already.

    Psst… I am not married yet, in case you were wondering. ๐Ÿ˜€

  5. Null Pointer March 30, 2013 at 6:37 am #

    ooh! in line with your title, an entire chapter devoted to bathroom etiquette sounds crucial, including:
    – how to squeeze a toothpaste tube
    – the magic of the never-ending roll of toilet paper (hint: it’s not)
    – toilet seat: up or down?

  6. dipali55 March 30, 2013 at 9:00 am #

    @Null Pointer: Been marriied for ages. Bathroom etiquette remains a sore point:(

  7. Orange Jammies April 1, 2013 at 12:10 am #

    sukanya: ‘Find the River’ gives me goosebumps. Ooooh.

    Zarine: Congratulations, Zarine! ๐Ÿ˜€ Enjoy the feeling.

    Null Pointer: That’s it. You’re co-author.

    alice-in-wonder: Haha, watch that sense of wonder balloon if and when you do get hitched. ๐Ÿ˜‰ ๐Ÿ˜†

    dipali55: ๐Ÿ˜€

  8. Aunty G. April 1, 2013 at 11:09 pm #

    Shut the door, i can hear you pee
    Turn over, you’re on a snoring spree
    And yes, if there’s excess salt
    Drown it with your single-malt
    Relevant even today, trust me, turning forty!

  9. Null Pointer April 2, 2013 at 3:08 pm #

    co-author??? whoop whoop! Ok, wait — real authors probably don’t say that. dammit. I best be stickin’ to being a word groupie. Or pun fishing.

  10. Meera April 2, 2013 at 11:31 pm #

    How about remembering to tell people you are married so they don’t look at your spouse funny when she shows up on your arm at the badminton court

  11. Orange Jammies April 6, 2013 at 2:23 am #

    Aunty G: I’ve always wondered why no one remembers these bits while creating/taking their vows. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Null Pointer: ‘Real’ authors say “whoop”, “poop”, and everything in between. Gotta keep it real, right? ๐Ÿ˜›

    Meera: ROFL!! ๐Ÿ˜† I have to confess, I’d look at people blankly for a long time when they mentioned my “husband”. It’s not easy, you don’t have one for 32 years and then suddenly, boom…you have to remember he exists!

  12. Null Pointer April 6, 2013 at 8:43 pm #

    omigosh! I swear I didn’t read your response before I posted today. I feel so validated — whoop to the poop! Ok, I’m sure that’s not what you meant, but wahoo-s all the same. Can’t wait to take a lick off your first draft/manifest.

  13. Meera April 8, 2013 at 12:03 am #

    OJ, it was fodder for one of my posts – Itry and find therpy where can

    http://meeraganesh.wordpress.com/2011/12/07/did-i-tell-you-2/

  14. Aunty G. April 8, 2013 at 2:14 am #

    >>Meera:
    My betterThreequarter
    Deliberately didn’t bother
    So when i joined the Station
    There was much speculation
    That ‘Bambi has a very young sister!’!

  15. Meera April 10, 2013 at 9:11 pm #

    Aunty G I love the limerick and your skilful play on words. Now if only I can come up with witty lines like yours for all the situations the Dear Husband puts me in, I might have a bestseller ๐Ÿ™‚

  16. Aunty G. April 10, 2013 at 10:34 pm #

    ๐Ÿ™‚

  17. Orange Jammies April 23, 2013 at 11:31 am #

    Null Pointer: ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Meera: Loved it!

    Aunty G: ๐Ÿ˜†

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