16 Feb

a.k.a. Amen to Angst

I am jealous. Of happy people. Not the ones who have it all, or are beautiful, or accomplished. But the ones who find it so easy to live in a permanent state of thrill, who pluck strains of joy out of the ether and plant them in their backyards. The ones who insist on being euphoric. Who slip into contentment like silk over skin.The ones who don’t have their radar trained on discomfort, pick up on melancholy or carry a goatskin bag of pathos straining to burst. The ones missing a depressive gene. Who take curry on ceilings and the loss of ways of living in their skip-hopping stride.

And have the temerity to smile through it all. And make me look at them warily and mouth “How?” while their limited processing capacities, mediocre life and sorry choices mock my wellsprings of angst. I can hear the taunts & chuckling all the way home and their sunshine gleams behind me, an even deeper shade of green.

But my sliver of glee dwells in knowing that you’re the one person in the world who will absolutely understand. And I toss happiness one last pitiful glance and speed-dial your number.


Updated to add: The Science of Lasting Happiness, an article in the Scientific American magazine.

8 Responses to “Leprechaun”

  1. Anjali February 16, 2010 at 2:58 pm #

    Ha ha, very good one! But frankly, I wish I had the happiness gene too. It makes life so much easier 🙂

  2. Aunty G February 16, 2010 at 11:31 pm #

    “Tis quite simple, you see
    Clear as crystal to me
    “Member the old cliche?
    Count your bessings, i say!
    Then Life is one hellava party!

  3. umashankar February 18, 2010 at 10:57 pm #

    Your writing vaguely reminds me of Hemingway. Your sadness too.

    I’m with you in your breathless chastisement of the hypocrites. Of the poor souls who don’t know how sad they are until its too late.

    I like your blog. Yours posts.


  4. Orange Jammies February 20, 2010 at 12:38 pm #

    Anjali: You’re telling me. 🙂

    Aunty G: I sing the song every day
    Count your blessings, they say
    But there are always pangs
    of jump-out-at-me angst
    That keeps contentment at bay.

    umashankar: Oh but I do not chastise. Just wistfully wonder at their propensity for joy. Thanks for stopping by!

  5. Vidya February 20, 2010 at 9:30 pm #

    I’m plain jealous too.Let’s start a club,shall we?
    We can eat brownies,drink OJ and gleefully discuss the gleeful.

  6. Orange Jammies February 22, 2010 at 10:25 am #

    Vidya: I’m in!

  7. the mad momma February 23, 2010 at 12:13 am #

    damn.. i’m scarily close to that description

    *rushes off to hunt for some angst*

  8. Orange Jammies February 23, 2010 at 11:02 pm #

    the mad momma: How else would we write? And what about?

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