Happy Hausfrau Series: Pancakes From Scratch

29 Aug

Greetings from the home of the happy hausfrau! Don those aprons and follow me into the kitchen, chop chop.

Those of you who remember my post about meeting Ceej in Paris know that it ended with the certainty that we would see each other in another country and another city someday. Because that’s our thing. He’s my people. That’s what we do. So it won’t come as a surprise when I mention that we recently added another continent to our list when he flew into San Francisco and waited the equivalent of the Triassic, Jurassic and Cretaceous eras for me to conquer rush hour traffic and screech into the airport.

Now he’s known me as the local cab-grabbing Bombay girl, and the Goa-in-the-monsoon party girl, and the I’m-in-London-life-is-perfect tourist girl, and the oh-look-Shakespeare’s-house-in-Stratford-upon-Avon girl, and the escargot-gobbling-soaking-in-all-things-French-from-His-Highness-the-Francophile girl, but this time, this time my friends, he was seeing me on home turf. And no one who enters the Happy Hausfrau’s kitchen gets out without a bellyful. So in his honor, I whipped up some super easy, seriously delish pancakes that I’ve made about a dozen times since. Now you can enjoy them too!

First, get your crew in a huddle. A VIP is about to be born.

Gather them all

Top row: Salt the city slicker; Flour the floozie; Sour Cream the sulker

Middle row: Baking Soda the blitzer; Vanilla the vivacious; Sugar the sexxxeh

Bottom row: Butter the badass; Eggs the what-else….eggstraordinary!

In a generous gesture of going the extra mile to show you what else you’ll need for Operation I’m-in-Heaven, I took this picture.

tools of fools

And forgot to add  the 17 and a half measuring spoons you’ll need. Just mentally throw those in, won’t you?

Imagine there’s a picture

It’s easy if you try

Runnin’ outa them spoons

Sure makes OJ cryyyy…..

Ignore me. It’s a disease. Just buy the Boy a drink sometime, if you ever see him lurking in a bar, shadows under his eyes from all the trilling in our stage home stage home.

Where was I? Oh yes, slaving over pancakes, while you folk croon and be a waste-a-time! Some people.

cream it

Scoop dollops of the sour cream into a measuring container and make sure you have one (1) cup.  Isn’t it onederful that ghastly spelling isn’t among the many diseases I inflict upon the world?

dump

Dump it in a big mixing bowl. Who else loves white on white? *raises hand* Go look at this and levitate.

Next, add seven (7) tablespoons of flour. Like thees:

come flour with me

Three guesses what song I’m thinking of when I say “flour”.

[Hint: Say “flour” Southern-style]

[Hint: “Pack a small bag”]

Sigh.

[Hint]

Time to end that white perfection with a dash of brown. Sugar! 2 tablespoons! And yes, if you have a rare form of OCD that compels you to continue the white-on-white-on-white pattern, feel free to use white sugar. We’re just terribly healthy in this home, you see. Sour cream pancakes flipped in butter absolutely must be made in organic, golden-brown demerara.

soda so good

Gently take one teaspoon of pure artisanal baking soda. Breathe a prayer into its aura. Tinkle a silver bell at it. Delicately sprinkle on the mound, taking care not to disturb its electric violet halo. Feel the hush descend on you as the mound….awaits….more……

salz

More white! This recipe is getting holier than the Pope! You think he’d like my pancakes? I could’ve offered eggs benedict to the last one. Pity.

Oh, and in case you are actually following this recipe (who does that?) this is salt. A full half (1/2) teaspoon of it.

eeeeeeeda

Now to change things up a bit. Crack two (2) eggs into a separate bowl. Don’t you deeply appreciate how I’m including the number next to the number name? Like a proper grown-up. It’s fun to pretend.

whiskey

Wield the whisk. In our house, she’s called Whiskey. Which is all terribly confusing when the Boy’s brother visits, because he means the other kind and doesn’t take well to being presented with our wiry beauty in a glass tumbler.

churn, churn, churn

Turn your attention to the Bowl You Left Behind. Give all the ingredients a stir. Don’t kill yourself, though. Less is more. Said the President of the Lazyass Cooking Crowd.

dribble

Time for the two families to meet and Culture Shock to reverberate. Merge. Meld. Combine. The Montagues and Capulets enter an alternate reality even as the Italians want their story back from the clutches of an apron-clad airhead.

more whiskey

Add a half (1/2) teaspoon of vanilla extract and put Whiskey to work again. Don’t bother with your high-powered electric whisks for this effort. We don’t need nothin’ terribly smooth and creamy.

churn, churn, churn part 2

If it looks as smooth as this or George Clooney in Intolerable Cruelty (yes really, those are your options), you’re good. Move on to ze next step. Or l’étape suivante, as Google educates me.

(Ceej! Is that correct?)

griddle

Time to get hawt. Or haute. Let griddle-bottom make contact with stovetop and Turn. It. On.

utterly butterly

Rip open a stick of butter desperately. Pant for effect. Hear it sizzzzzzzle. Ooooooh. Fan me, someone.

caking it on

Quick, don’t let the butter burn, even if you’re all hot and bothered. Turn the stove down to medium heat and ladle the batter onto the griddle . Let batter and butter cook until small bubbles begin to appear on the uncooked surface. Then flip over.

the other side

Like so. And cut away all the oozy gooey stuff that somehow miraculously ended up in my mouth. This kitchen is a spooked place, I tell ya. Cook this side for approximately the same time as you cooked the other. Which should be anywhere between 2 to 4 minutes, depending on how madly attractive your griddle is.

drizzle

Once done, remove the pancake to a plate and repeat the operation with the remaining batter. Or, if you’re greedy like a certain somebody I know, place a small square of butter atop your New Religion, drizzle maple syrup all over, and convert.

finale

Dig in. Take one heavenly bite and watch your fork and mouth form the soul connection of a lifetime. You can burp your thank you later.

No buddies were harmed in the making of this divinity.

Signed,

People for the Ethical Treatment of Pancakes

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15 Responses to “Happy Hausfrau Series: Pancakes From Scratch”

  1. R August 29, 2013 at 9:37 pm #

    Here’s my ten daawwlurs. Please write a cookbook. 🙂 (more dollars coming your way if you say yes).
    I am mildly allergic to wheat flour and its variants but pancakes are my one exception. They are comfort food and I *love* them.

  2. alice-in-wonder August 29, 2013 at 10:37 pm #

    You are crazy. You are. But I love you nevertheless 😀

  3. alice-in-wonder August 29, 2013 at 10:45 pm #

    And now I have this insane urge to have a spoonful maple syrup which I can’t indulge in coz of maple syrup not being a standard in my home.

    I sad 😦

  4. hAAthi August 30, 2013 at 4:21 am #

    ” I could’ve offered eggs benedict to the last one. Pity. ” — I couldnt read beyond this point. Because I was laughing too hard. I need to compose myself and come back for the rest.
    *rushes off to find a tissue, to wipe tears of joy*

  5. Dancing Fingers Singing Keypad August 30, 2013 at 10:22 am #

    Another masterpiece! And am not just taking about the actual food. The language, oh, the language – equally scrumptious! You have an absolutely brilliant sense of humor! 🙂

  6. sukanyabora August 30, 2013 at 10:29 am #

    you are so funny. love your Happy Hausfrau Series!

  7. Orange Jammies August 30, 2013 at 7:14 pm #

    R: I’m confused. Should I be offended at the bribe or flattered someone wants to pay me? 😕

    alice-in-wonder: We love because of madness, not in spite of it. 😉 ((Hug)) for your sadness.

    hAAthi: Sheesh. Now I’m chasing away the 2 and a half people who read this page!

    DFSK & sukanyabora: Glad you enjoy it!

  8. R August 30, 2013 at 9:18 pm #

    I was going for flattered 🙂
    At the current exchange rates, the ten dollars was all that I could immediately afford. But seriously, more people need to read this genius stuff! Best pancake recipe, ever.

  9. sphinx August 31, 2013 at 11:05 pm #

    Lurker here 🙂 I stopped by because as a fellow bay area resident I just found that the Cyrus cylinder is on display at the Asian Art museum (and related events too, including one on Zoroastrianism). I immediately told my one Parsi friend and then thought of you though I’m not a regular here. Hope you get to see it if you haven’t already.

  10. Revathi August 31, 2013 at 11:15 pm #

    Love it. Going to try it this week! 🙂

  11. Aunty G September 1, 2013 at 3:12 am #

    Sigh, OJ, you’re comfort for an old lady’s soul
    No matter how broke, you make her whole
    Yes, yes, don’t worry, am all right
    Those chaapats set my eyes a-light
    Absabloominglutely love the drama you control!

  12. Orange Jammies September 2, 2013 at 11:33 am #

    R: Gosh, this currency-crashing is traumatizing many people. 😦

    sphinx: Thank you for sharing! I smiled when I saw your comment, because we were going the very next day. That was yesterday, and it was lovely. Do let me know if you have other recommendations! You can also just say hi–it doesn’t hurt. 😛

    Revathi: Tell us how it goes!

    Aunty G: Chaapats! Haven’t had those in forever. Do you have that recipe, Aunty G?

  13. Chaitan Jain September 7, 2013 at 3:54 pm #

    They were excellent!! It was, as always, so lovely to see you OrangeJammies : )

  14. Aunty G September 7, 2013 at 10:16 pm #

    Have never made ’em, i fear
    So Google for ’em, my dear
    But i’d love to try
    Those favourites to fry
    Aren’t they similar to yours, by ear?

  15. Orange Jammies September 9, 2013 at 6:54 pm #

    Chaitan: Likewise! 🙂 Glad you liked them. Now come back for my salli-par-eedu!

    Aunty G: The chaapats I’ve had
    Have made my heart glad
    Similar they’re not
    Although both eaten hot
    Maybe I’ll ask my dad

Here's a bar of chocolate. Now talk to me. :)

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