S For Swastika

21 Jan

Picture this: We’re having a conversation and I’m listening smilingly. Then you say “Anyways…” and I still smile. Because I willed that stretch of mouth to freeze, while inside, I took three steps back and flung my eyeballs around in a quick move to spy the nearest exit. Inside, I selected a well-sharpened scalpel and neatly carved the ‘s’ off the end of the word. Inside, I set fire to the letter, dropped it into the nearest trash can, put a lid on it, and walked away.

Oh but I’m still here, yes. I’m still smiling at you. Even though my body involuntarily shudders each time an “anyways” is thoughtlessly flung my unsuspecting way.

No, no, please. Don’t take the trouble. I’ll survive. The colorful inner life that results from this conversation is far more entertaining than what you have to say anyway.

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24 Responses to “S For Swastika”

  1. agamon January 21, 2013 at 12:54 pm #

    Mads you ares at the persons… but whys?

  2. Dancing Fingers Singing Keypad January 21, 2013 at 2:25 pm #

    Brilliantly funny!

  3. alice January 21, 2013 at 8:55 pm #

    Lanuage nazi.. love the tag.

    I used to be one too, until I realised it was far too much effort to mentally correct stuff, coz ofcourse saying it out loud is not appreciated ‘anyway’ 😉

  4. Sue January 21, 2013 at 9:46 pm #

    I could be entirely off-target here, but I think the word “Anyways” bothers you a little. Anyhows, even if I am wrong, let us not take that debate anywheres.

  5. Nisha January 22, 2013 at 12:14 am #

    I’m scared of people like you! haha

  6. shail January 22, 2013 at 8:53 am #

    Sigh and my kids look at me censoriously and say, it is not ‘anyway’ its ‘anyways’!

  7. Orange Jammies January 22, 2013 at 7:36 pm #

    agamon: Who says I’m mad? This wasn’t directed at anyone. 🙂

    DFSK: 🙂

    alice: My brain has an auto-correct setting that’s kind of hard-wired. 😦

    Sue: 😛

    Nisha: Isn’t it easier to just be mortified of ghastly language? 😆

    shail: Send them to me, Shail. We need to have a word. Or three!

  8. Pallavi January 22, 2013 at 10:59 pm #

    Solidarity hug!

  9. dipali55 January 23, 2013 at 6:11 am #

    Totally agree. Me no like anyways:(

  10. Null Pointer January 23, 2013 at 7:47 am #

    for realz? scalpels shall not remain sharp forever. methinks you gotta be all like what-evs when that sinister esS pops up, grab the nearest pack o’ gum and give the ol’ tongue a go, “anywaysss…”. go on, like, try it already — you know you wants to.

  11. ojspjs January 23, 2013 at 8:56 am #

    [edited],People live and learn.Okay?
    But this is the Leo Ego in you that speaks.
    So much for the refinements of language you so claim to have mastered.
    And you deal with kids.Horrors!

  12. the mad momma January 23, 2013 at 9:08 pm #

    The Leo Ego, eh?
    What about others who simply want to see the language spoken as it’s meant to be? They have Libran egos, Gemini egos, what? No one can ever claim to have mastered a language, but surely we can all try to improve ourselves? And what is a blog for if not to have a little personal space to rant over pet peeves?
    Seriously folks – we’re all here for a bit of a laugh and some good reading. If you’re having a bad day, please take your nasties somewhere else. Go rain on someone else’s parade.
    It’s a good thing that OJ deals with kids and not you. It wouldn’t be healthy to pass that sort of attitude on.

  13. Aunty G. January 23, 2013 at 11:10 pm #

    Do i hear some hisses
    From the many misses
    And oh dear, horrors
    From some others
    All over those superfluous esses!

  14. Broom January 24, 2013 at 6:38 am #

    Hilarious post! Anyways, how have you been?

  15. VidyaVidya January 24, 2013 at 9:17 am #

    OJ, you have such a wonderful way with words!
    And as a mom of two kids, and having seen you interact with them, I would be so thrilled to have you work with my kids. I shudder at the thought of them growing up speaking utter rubbish and believing it to be the right way.
    And seriously, the World Wide Web is a large enough space that those that don’t care for the style of humor here, can and should go elsewhere. Don’t spoil this space for the rest of us that look forward to, and enjoy OJs writing.

  16. Lajja Shah January 24, 2013 at 9:24 am #

    Leo ego! Really? Maybe you just don’t know the writer. Oh wait, maybe the comments are fictional too, just like the writer’s post. And don’t we all express a lot of our feelings the way they’re described here? A greater human being is someone who ensures the opposite person is not hurt even though they have to juggle things on the inside. I say this is a well-outlined write-up of how most people feel (even though they don’t express it outright).

  17. Orange Jammies January 24, 2013 at 12:52 pm #

    Pallavi: Hug back!

    dipali55: Maybe there’s hope for the world, then?

    Null Pointer: All I wants, my preciousssss, is to use that pack o’ gum for other purposes. Like, totes.

    the mad momma & Lajja: It’s the Return of Insecure Mommy! Love how she can’t get me out of her head and concocts email accounts specially for me. So good for my “Leo ego”. :mrgreen:

    Aunty G: You’re a true team player
    You long-verse slayer
    Make us laugh
    At the wits just half
    Of the sorry naysayer. 😉

    Broom: At your service, Broomness! 😛 I’ve been splendid. The universe is kind.

    VidyaVidya: Thank you, hon. Your boys are delightful. There are real mothers, and then some others…. 😉

  18. R January 24, 2013 at 8:43 pm #

    All along, when someone said ‘anyways’, I’d grimace. Now, since the time I’ve read this post, I laugh. Out loud.
    When you are it, address the lose vs. loose issue, will you please? It kills me.

  19. Orange Jammies January 25, 2013 at 9:15 am #

    R: Sure, hon. And then Loose Cannon above will completely lose it. 😆

  20. VidyaVidya January 25, 2013 at 11:26 am #

    And while you’re at it, there and their? Trial and trail?

  21. ittakestime January 25, 2013 at 5:44 pm #

    Language Nazi.. I like the tag. The post, brilliant as always 🙂

  22. Orange Jammies January 25, 2013 at 10:49 pm #

    VidyaVidya: There, there. With their chaddis in a twist, some folks get their sentences scrambled too. It’s a trial for the rest of us, yes, and therefore best to lose their trail quickly.

    ittakestime: The first person I laugh at is me. 😉

  23. smotivala January 29, 2013 at 9:37 pm #

    They’re, there and their. Learn it people!!! I recall us having a conversation over these three words 😉 Love your blog btw!

  24. Orange Jammies April 23, 2013 at 11:25 am #

    smotivala: Hey you! Thanks, great to see you here! 😀

Here's a bar of chocolate. Now talk to me. :)

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