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Sir Round Sound

31 Jan

You’d be the delight of an entire cannibal village.

~The Boy, extolling the virtues of my roundness while sneaking in a snuggle.

Me, I’m not impressed.

I Do, I Do-I Do-I Do

23 Jan

Like Handel said in the last act of The Messaiah….

~A text the Boy just sent to indicate he’s finally received his new passport. Just for this, I’d marry him.

(The answer, by the way, is Hallelujah.)

All of My Business

11 Jan

Maids should flaunt their skill sets as “Parsi-trained”. Then they can claim Rs. 200 more.

~The Boy presenting his brainwave of the week while commenting on what he believes is my community’s obsession with all things clean and well-maintained.

(The maid, by the way, has upped the ante and surprises me by moving gas cylinders and swabbing behind them. Could it really be, sweet lord?)

I See An Obituary

21 Dec

Me: How are you going to kill me today?

Trainer: Which way would you prefer to die?

~A cheery Sunday conversation with my aerobics instructor who’s known to be a calisthenicsadist (Yes, I made that word up, but feel free to use it.)

Fallow/Shallow

16 Dec

How typical of me. Trying to get over one man by lavishing attention on another.

~Me to the BFF, as I babysat Ghattu while the Boy worked late one night.

Girl, Much Interrupted

31 Oct

Every time we were having sex, his mother would call.

That doesn’t happen anymore, though.

We just don’t have sex.

~A conversation between girlfriends.

Elementary, Aunt OJ

26 Oct

My nephew D-Cubed will turn 3 next month and two of his favorite things to do are:

1) Iron (it’s a toy I got him from Mothercare, before you call child services!)

2) Call me and chatter about the inmates of his residence

which has me believe he’s a middle-aged hausfrau in a spindly boy’s body, but never mind that.

He also specializes in stating the obvious, like so:

D-Cubed: Hellooooooo? OJ? Mummy stomach is paining, Daddy having a bath.

OJ: And what are you doing?

D-Cubed: Not having a bath.

What’s the going penalty for ditzy aunts?

Weighty Matters

9 Oct

a.k.a. Is That Flight Going Light?

***

Even airlines have baggage restrictions.

So why not men?

~ Me to her, during one of our many conversations in which we ponder the nature of the universe (read swap angst / bitch the place down).

If It’s Tuesday, This Must Be…

22 Sep

…..baby babble!

OJ: Which animal is this?

Little T: A kangaroo.

OJ: And what is its baby called?

Little T: Juhi.

Come to think of it, Ms. Chawla is about that high.

In the South They Have a Mouth

21 Sep

a.k.a. This Townie Gets No Brownie

OJ: Hey, you went to Khandala?

BFF: Yeah, office off-site. Ghattu went too.

OJ: Oh fun! His first trip out of Bombay!

BFF: Not really, he’s been to [the Boy’s former suburban home], no?

Reserve your judgement, people. As a teenager, I used to have a pen-pal in Andheri. We even met once.

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