Why Casanova Could Never Be Indian

9 Oct
  • Because his mother will call bang in the middle of sex.
  • Because naan just can’t replace rosemary foccacia.
  • Because ‘having a drink’ equals to chugging beers (and having a belly to prove it)
  • Because legs like those are best hidden under a veshti.
  • Because his idea of furniture is a rumpled-sheeted coir mattress.
  • Because he’s hard-wired to dribble over Amma’s cooking (never mind Appa’s 2 bypasses).
  • Because the only vacations he truly enjoys are guilt trips about being a dutiful son.
  • Because as soon as he leaves home, it will turn into a decrepit den of decay, abandonment and geriatric isolation.
  • Because he’ll scout around for garlic-free meals in Tuscany.
  • Because his mother will call bang in the middle of: a) cooking, b) shopping, c) driving, d) dancing, e) sneezing, f) showering, g) eating, h) napping….. and yes, sex.

21 Responses to “Why Casanova Could Never Be Indian”

  1. Aunty G October 9, 2008 at 12:29 am #

    Oh, c’mon OJ, we’re not that bad
    The Italians, i hear, are equally glad
    With apron strings
    And nasal bull-rings
    Why blame us Mamas — Casanova was, anyway, a cad!

  2. Orange Jammies October 9, 2008 at 12:37 am #

    Aunty G: You, my lovely aunt, aren’t included,
    But to think otherwise you’d have to be deluded,
    They’re all over the place
    Clueless about something called “space”
    I’ve never met one who hasn’t intruded!

  3. Priti October 9, 2008 at 12:18 pm #

    Hahahha… This was a gooood one!

  4. D October 9, 2008 at 12:19 pm #

    Lol! I so agree.

  5. DewdropDream October 9, 2008 at 4:38 pm #

    Delurking! Love coming here 🙂

    Very funny post, observations hit bulls-eye every single time I thought 😀

  6. Piper.. October 9, 2008 at 8:30 pm #

    ha ha this was hilarious and oh so true! 🙂

  7. M4 October 9, 2008 at 8:49 pm #

    This is direct to you from a good ol’ bong girl marrid to a good ol’ bong boy…

    Q. Why were Jesus Christ and Mother Mary bengali?

    A. He lived with His mum till He was 35.
    He believed She was a virgin.
    She though He was God.

  8. Orange Jammies October 10, 2008 at 3:34 pm #

    Priti: Hello! First time around these parts? 🙂

    D: 😉

    DewdropDream: Someone with a nick as pretty as that absolutely should delurk. Welcome. 🙂

    Piper: And truth is always stranger than fiction, right? 😉

    M4: Oh, we could have the whole country fighting over their origins. They could be Tam, Gujarati, Konkani, Punjabi, Goan, Andhraite or Marwari! 😛

  9. Suzy October 11, 2008 at 8:37 pm #

    “Because he’ll scout around for garlic-free meals in Tuscany”

    Pizza it is then? 😉

  10. Orange Jammies October 12, 2008 at 10:38 am #

    Suzy: If it were left to me, I’d be shoveling generous quantities of alio olio down his throat. 😛

  11. Anindita Sengupta October 13, 2008 at 1:17 pm #

    LOL…how much am i laughing and relating? oh don’t ask! 😀

  12. Orange Jammies October 13, 2008 at 2:57 pm #

    Anindita: Oh tell tell, Anu-girl! 😉

  13. DewdropDream October 14, 2008 at 8:44 pm #

    She said I had a pretty nickname!!! *Goes into raptures* 😀

    And umm… I think you’ll find it is Aglio Olio. My all time favourite dish!!

  14. Orange Jammies October 15, 2008 at 2:41 pm #

    DewdropDream: …also called Alio Olio or Alio e Olio. 🙂 It’s the Boy’s favorite too.

  15. DewdropDream October 15, 2008 at 8:14 pm #

    Ahh.. one learns something new every day! Mucho gracias!

  16. Orange Jammies October 16, 2008 at 9:08 pm #

    DewdropDream: Now correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t it muchas gracias? 🙂

  17. DewdropDream October 21, 2008 at 12:03 am #

    hehehe… errmmm… I’m only using phraseology I once saw used, which may have been wrong… so I’m clueless on this one 😀

  18. Orange Jammies October 22, 2008 at 8:44 pm #

    DewdropDream: You probably heard it from a Yankee attempting “Mexicano-speak”. 😉

  19. Mansi October 31, 2008 at 11:37 pm #

    This is absolutely hilarious and very very true!

  20. Orange Jammies November 2, 2008 at 1:41 am #

    Mansi: 😀 You have your very own phonamma story?

  21. Shiva October 26, 2010 at 4:50 pm #

    Ha ha, good one! 🙂

    True, most Indian men just don’t get it.

    But thanks to our workshops, hundreds of them now do.

    We usually conduct paid workshops, but we’ll happily conduct free workshops for men who cannot afford our fee (through NGO’s). Any of your readers associated with an NGO may feel free to contact us.

    Keep up the good work meanwhile.


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