Sublimation

17 Jan

I didn’t cheat on him.

I only thought about her.

I didn’t cheat on him.

We only touched.

I didn’t cheat on him.

Her soft, pliant skin.

I didn’t cheat on him.

Quivering under my mouth.

I didn’t cheat on him.

Legs wrapped around waist.

I didn’t cheat on him.

The arching of backs.

I didn’t cheat on him.

The moaning of names.

I didn’t cheat on him.

I’m seeing her tomorrow.

I didn’t cheat on him.

Can hardly wait.

I didn’t cheat on him.

We’ll do this over and over.

I didn’t cheat on him.

I didn’t sleep with another man.

I didn’t cheat on him.

Women don’t count.

If They Ain’t Got Bread

12 Jan

OJ (peering suspiciously at a blob): Is that potty?

4-year-old K: No! It’s cake….

…..that just smells bad.

 

Horny teenagers should be put through my work life.

Free birth control, wheeee!

Erm…

5 Jan

….really?!

I hope for your sakes this blog amuses you guys as much as it sometimes tickles me.

:mrgreen:

 

Phase Two

1 Jan

Happy 2012! Here’s another tale about the good folks at Soonawala Colony. To read The One that Came Before, go here.

***

At the precise minute the earthquake struck, Silloo Damania was perched on the potty, making a mental checklist of the tasks ahead of her that morning. Must be the Chick Van, she muttered, as the floor began to quiver, but five seconds later, Burjor, newspaper and choy abandoned, was banging on her door, demanding she cut the crap and quit the shit. (Not that she recalls his exact words, but she wasn’t one to let go of some good word play if it were served to her on a ses.)

They gathered in the children’s playground, women in hurriedly wrapped shawls, the men still in their sadras, watching swings sway ominously and the ground rumble like an ogre’s belly. So animated were their numerous opinions on geophysics, that it was several minutes before any of them noticed the tremors had stopped. Of course, not all of them blathered on about the Day of Judgment. Some, like 14-year-old Sanaeya and 16-year-old Daraius, gainfully employed themselves by making eyes at each other and blushing furiously, but let’s turn a blind eye for now, shall we?

They trooped home and a gaggle of the most opinionated voices congregated at the Pardiwalla home to watch the news.  Scenes of devastation sprang to life behind the anchor, who announced in near-frenzy that an earthquake in Kutchh had wiped out villages and many of their denizens. A hush descended on this usually noisy group. Shrieks and cries of despair rent the semi-arid land and home to thousands now meant only the endless sky with its benign January sun. Nature had taken a bite of earth and snacked on it with Marie biscuits at breakfast.  You could see its teeth marks where the ground had split. The residents of Soonawala Colony, like the rest of Bombay, hung suspended between horror and disbelief, with the occasional tear cruising down an unaware cheek.

After an hour of repeat telecasts and frequent switching between Star News and Doordarshan  that drove Banoo’s glaucoma-accursed eyes batty, the phone rang and Homyar Pardiwalla walked over to answer it. A 5-minute conversation that 12 neighbors intently listened in to ensued.  Homyar ended the call to announce that Jamasp Patel, chairperson of the colony association, was rounding up a group of able young men to accompany trucks of supplies to affected areas. A cheer went around the room as the men, who had hitherto ventured only as far as Udwada for their annual pilgrimage, welcomed the idea of rumbling off into nebulous clouds of dust to assist their countrymen.  A round of tea was eagerly accepted and “Planning the Mission” began in right earnest.

In the midst of the chatter and raised voices, sat Dolat from the ground floor, listening silently, a knob of discontent growing ever larger in her throat.  Never married and in her early fifties, she shared a flat with her younger sister Persis, cooking and keeping home while the latter went to work. It was a quiet existence, but not a lonely one, surrounded as she was by friends and neighbors from her childhood, but lately, Dolat had begun to get a sense of having missed out on life. Satellite television was her bridge to the world beyond the colony and she wanted a taste of the action for herself. “I’ll go too,” she said evenly, her voice belying the burbling she felt in her stomach’s pit, and drew a deep breath in anticipation of a response.

The clamor continued. They hadn’t even heard her. Food packages, antibiotics and warm clothing were being zealously discussed, and you’d have to be a foghorn to be heard. “I will come too,” she tried again, and this time they turned. The Wall of Voices collapsed on her slowly, brick by dissenting brick, logic and reason crumbling to dust under its red onslaught and Dolat stared in seeming resignation ahead of her.

The day of departure dawned all too quickly, and after two days and nights of ceaseless activity, in which every man, woman and child played a part, the trucks and their occupants were ready to roll. Leading the pack of do-gooders was Jamasp, with Homyar and Dara as his able assistants. Khushroo, Feroz and their “gang” that hung out until the wee hours, racing bikes on Marine Drive and risking the ire of police and parents alike, provided back-up support and muscle power, as they searched the crowd for the impressed faces of Soonawala Colony’s waifs. Packages and sacks had been hauled on to the trucks the previous night, the men cursing quietly at the heavier loads. Saying their goodbyes and waving to adoring fans, they climbed on, and engines roared to life. The convoy edged out of the parking area, winding onto the street and as the men settled in for a long ride, no one noticed a tiny corner of a rather curvy gunny sack lift itself up and take a quick gulp of air before subsiding into the potatoes again.

Peace, Joy & Other Fuzzy Stories

29 Dec

2011. The Year of the Happening. The year of Arab Spring and the royal wedding, the death of Bin Laden and the end of the war. A pack of famous and notorious names passed on, the U.S. clambered out of recession, Lokpal became a household buzzword in India and the great wheel of life churned on. With this hum of world events in the backdrop, I commenced the year wrapping up my work and life in Bombay and doling out bear hugs to the precious people I wouldn’t see for a while. Valentine’s Day landed me in San Francisco (and yes, that was totally planned) and into the arms of my patiently waiting Boy. In the months that followed, we set about making a home, fashioning a life and enjoying the many pleasures of the area.

2011. The Year of Beginnings. The year of a new home, new job, new life and new friends. World events swirled outside our little bubble as the Boy and I delighted in our time together, savoring the joy of basic couch-and-movie time, cooking delicious meals, exploring parks in the brilliant sunshine, reconnecting with old friends and establishing new relationships. We introduced each other to our family here and were warmly embraced, developed a circle of friends, and settled into the area quickly and comfortably. We rediscovered home in each other (go ahead, barf at the cliché), in the fabricated rituals that emerge from non-religious, bi-cultural cohabitation, and I even found a desi waxing lady and this was the high point of my year. Just kidding. :mrgreen:

2011. The Year of Exhaling. The year when my screeching train wreck of an existence finally became a gentle chug-a-chug-a-chug-a-chug-a. Last year was hard and in saying that I’ve made the most understated remark I ever will. It was a year filled with memories that would torture me if I let them, but uh-uh, I’m Dalai Lama-ing instead, bubbling over as I am, with contentment and gratitude. This year was for lying on my buttery soft couch and breathing. For listening to the icemaker go clack. For straightening the bows on the back of my dining chairs. And for chucking all that meandering  for 12-hour workdays involving kiddie poo.

2011. The Year of Review. The year I stand amidst its final days and marvel at how far we’ve come. How loved we feel. How thankful we are. How blessed. Our family is mostly well, we’ve traveled and socialized, lived it up and loved it, we’ve been healthy, at peace and have new lace curtains on the living room window (What? I had to share that with you!) and this beautiful respite has provided us with strength to grapple with the curveballs that life will eventually throw. Some folks I know can’t wait for 2011 to be over. It’s been the worst year, they complain. I can’t either. But only because I’m greedy and want to see how much better this life thingy can get.

Happy New Year, lovely people. Thank you for sharing this one with me.

Warmth and December

23 Dec

And so it is that Christmas is nearly upon us. The season has been a whirl of parties, merriment, concerts, gifting, annual traditions and hours spent with dear ones. It has been a time for acknowledging our many blessings in this Year of A Million Changes. A time for gratitude amidst the busyness, warmth amidst the Northern California chill. Many gingerbread men were birthed, apple crisp candles burned, cider consumed and lights strung, and ornaments hung on our tree by family and friends. Carols were sung and pies baked, and hard work put in to make the time of year special for the children we serve at work.

The Boy and I have never met so many of you who visit here, but we do want you to know we wish you well.

Merry Christmas, all!!!

I leave you with a picture of our tree this year as we head to L.A. this afternoon to celebrate with family. What are your plans? Where will you be? What do you hope for in the days ahead? 🙂


[Credits: The Boy and his Nikon D-5100. That I didn’t realize had replaced the Olympus. But then again, I didn’t notice he has dimples until we’d dated 2 years.]

Four Years Later…

7 Dec

…it is good to know I’m still his “Highest Priority Interrupt”.

Never mind the techie terminology, people, I’m just glad I broke out of the restroom I was trapped in and managed to meet the man for the first time.  Four long and crazy years ago.

Someone somewhere owes the Intercontinental Hotel a door latch. But you don’t know anything about that. Right?

 

The Sharpest Tool

3 Dec

Me (sniffling over the phone): I have a code.

Cousin B (jubilantly): I always knew you had it in you to be in the intelligence field!

 

Family. Gotta love the way they love you.

Contentus Horribilis

30 Nov

To write poetry, something must stir.

Come undone crawlingly, raise its hydra head.

Sit by raging waters, let your dark side churn.

Toss back imaginary curls and wade into lines.

 

To write poetry, something must give.

A singleness of being, the dizzying freedom of time,

A torrid landscape and

anguish of heart.

 

To write poetry, something must fold.

Silently, dangerously, beckon you

inward

To play.

 

Darkened rooms, burning spirit, the severing of all ties

Momentarily.

Solitude, restlessness, the non-mundane

Let it storm tonight, like

I’m nobody’s wife.

 

To write poetry, something must shift.

If I can locate the gear

Of my charmed Californian existence and

Reset happiness, calm, to baseline with

the edge of my

words.

 

Until then, love

me still,

As a being

of peace.

While the phrases float

away, on

paper boats of

my own

making.

Step One

12 Nov

The morning after Cousin S was married, Banoo Bilimoria waited until the respectable hour of 7.14 before shuffling across the corridor and pressing her gnarled, arthritic finger to the bell. Her myopic eyes took in the vivid colors of the chowk designs that had taken Sanobar 4 hours to create yesterday and she expertly pushed back the phlegm in her throat. She waited one minute, then four, then seven. Silence reigned in the Pardiwalla household. Even the maid hadn’t stirred. She turned back, the sound of her sapaat scraping the mosaic-tiled floor of building number 14 in Soonawala Colony—a green, quiet haven of Parsi existence amidst the bustle of  South Bombay.

Back in her immaculate two-room flat and many cups of choy later, she hovered by the door until Jai Singh arrived. “Kachra-walo!” he’d announce on each floor, in an accent of indeterminate origin, and the denizens of number 14 would, on cue, pop out with their garbage bins and subject him to their pidgin Hindi, never mind that he was Gujarati. She waited until she heard the Pardiwallas’ maid undo their latch and popped her head out in a hurry. “Nahin bai, they’re not up,” said the maid shortly, before Banoo could ask her usual question, and shut the door behind her.

Marere,” Banoo mumbled, feeling slighted and unsure about what to do next. She had missed out on the wedding reception the night before, thanks to a resurgence of gout, and could feel curiosity burning a hole through her faded housecoat. Silloo Damania on the other side of her had been to the celebrations and would gladly share details if asked, with the superior air of Those In The Know. As she stood in the hallway, dithering over her next move, the Damanias’ door opened and Silloo Samachar, as she was fondly known, called out her name.

Back in Silloo and Burjor’s elegant flat, where a shiny black grand piano held court, Banoo was informed in breathy undertones about the Flat in the Suburbs that the newly-weds would have to live in—in (gasp) remote Andheri East. Apparently, the boy’s mother had refused to let her son and his bride live in with her in the colony since the day both women had squabbled over who would sit in the passenger seat of his car. “Suburb maan?” Banoo repeated blankly, her eyes widening at this novel idea and her brain frothing with more questions than it could queue. She had been to the suburbs once—on a picnic to Vihar Lake in 2nd grade. They had even packed sandwiches for the journey. And now, Cousin S (mine, not hers,) was trundling off to a place where the Tata Electric Power Supply Company held no sway—and of course, everyone knew that pelo Reliance is a muo chor.

An hour in good traffic, replied Silloo, who had got this nugget of information on good authority from another clueless guest at the wedding. Yes, only rickshaws ply there, poor things, but they will take the car. I know, so far from aapru Parsi General and Doongerwadi, and not even a good naatak on Navroze, she responded to a group that had burgeoned to include Dolat and Persis from the ground floor and Dara and Roshan from building 7. The merits and demerits of modern, marble-floored apartments versus pothole-ridden streets were analyzed to an inch of their lives, and stinking politicians and “all these immigrants” verbally flayed for their role in inflation, population, corruption and Rodabeh’s bad breath, and the questions and concerns came faster and thicker, until the Damania home was in the throes of raucous agitation.

“I’ve heard you get everything there now,” chimed in the gentle Roshan, who had made the mammoth move from building number 4 to 7 when she married her chaddi sweetheart. “Cinemas show English movies?” asked Dolat skeptically, as Banoo wondered aloud whether the couple would splurge on a First Class railway pass. So far away from their parents, cluck clucked Dara, whose foray into adulthood had meant moving into the room down the passage and ended there 34 years ago.

More cups of tea and consolation were passed around, and there we shall leave them, fielding questions and cooking up answers, as the Pardiwalla family blissfully slumbers on, their daughter curled up in the arms of her sweet colony boy, ready to take their first big step into the harsh sunlight of the world outside the leafy, familiar lanes of Soonawala Colony.